he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize