Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
