That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize