I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize