yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
