just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
dude. I can hear the air.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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