so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
