I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
