I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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