At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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