I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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