I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
