Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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