It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I supernannyed him into submission
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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