i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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