Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
