My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
