we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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