shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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