Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
