he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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