I got chris browned last night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
