so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
