Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
