I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
