He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
