New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't put those talents on a resume
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
