you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
