I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
