I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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