What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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