I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
