i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
