I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
