I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
