the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
