I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
