i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
