I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
