the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
