if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
