god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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