come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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