Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
