Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
