I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
