the condom got lost in my hair
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize