Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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