In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
