Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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