so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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