i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
