I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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