Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
