WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
