And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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