Sry I called you an 8
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
