he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
