Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
