I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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