You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
