So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
