Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
