dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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