I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
