my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
