Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
