never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
